After 40+ house viewings (you read that right), and five offers (yup), we finally have a roof over our heads. Well, not quite, but the Option-to-Purchase was issued this morning and we’re $1,100+ into the door.
I am not psyched about it.
I really thought I’d be happier about it, and this unsettled feeling is not helping my anxiety / kancheong spider issues.
But I’m taking the step of faith that this first home will not blow up in our faces, even though I am totally not in love with the tinyness of the flat (87 sqm, literally the smallest 4-room HDB will build), the annoying structural walls that prevent me from having my dream living room or non-claustrophobic master bedroom, the ginormously large corridors which is just a waste of space, and the narrow kitchen.
I know, I know. If I don’t like it that much, why did we even offer a price for the flat? To be honest, I did not think they would accept our offer, given the recent resale transactions. Also, the flat is in a good location — central, in an area we grew up in, near frequent lifestyle haunts. It is only 5 years old. And anyway, I like the windows — something the newer HDBs do much better.
More importantly, we prayed about it, and it would have been so much easier for them to say no. As much as I am having buyer’s remorse, I shouldn’t second-guess God once we committed it into His hands.
I wanted to pen down these thoughts to remember these feelings of anxiety and stress and regret that I won’t get my Dream Home, whatever that means. I suppose I imagined having a big house, large enough for my future children to run around in and play a game of Hide and Seek that lasts longer than 30 seconds. I wanted a big kitchen, to set my cookie dough somewhere while I prep for a pasta dish at another table. (This is a slight fantasy, since I don’t even cook right now.)
A part of me wonders if I have been too hasty: could God not have granted us a house big enough, young enough, cheap enough and at a good enough location if He wanted to? Of course He could have, and I wonder if I have cut myself off from that by not being able to trust and wait. But at the same time, I do think God is ultimately concerned with our salvation, and whether we bring Him glory, and He will prosper us to the extent that we will do more of that.
Everything else, including this temporary shelter, is periphery. Besides, I have the most important part of the home with me already: my soon-to-be husband. Should that not be enough?
Nevertheless, here’s to hoping I fall in love with our house in time. I hope it will not take as long as it did for Marcus to get out of the friendzone. :p